God: *smites a city* Satan: *tempts someone to eat an apple* Me: I'm seeing a pattern here ๐Ÿค”
13 days ago
When you accidentally order 10,000 bikes instead of 10 ๐Ÿ˜‚
13 days ago
She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore, so I asked her how come she gets to spend $65 on makeup. I'm pretty sure beer goggles do the same thing ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™‚๏ธ
13 days ago
Two heads are better than one.๐Ÿค”
13 days ago
"God protect me...from these heathens and their bad aim!"
13 days ago
This bus stop ad measures your weight as you sit. Donโ€™t worry, it doesnโ€™t display it publicly. Just imagine the horror if it did ๐Ÿ˜‚. #FitnessFirst #CleverAds #WeightLossMotivation
13 days ago
Me trying to navigate my life after one (1) existential crisis:
13 days ago
When you're both American and Jewish but don't know which way to pledge allegiance ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธโœก๏ธ
13 days ago
When you accidentally open the wrong door at the White House ๐Ÿ˜ฌ
13 days ago
When the janitor is also an interior designer ๐Ÿ˜‚ #CleanlinessIsNextToGodliness #BathroomGoals
13 days ago
13 days ago
When you order 9 realdolls online and they arrive
13 days ago